For Men to Think About

You may be becoming or already are an abusive man if you...

• Get jealous of anyone who gets close to your wife or girlfriend
• Criticize what your wife or girlfriend wears or does
• Sulk silently when you are upset
• Scare her by driving fast or doing other reckless things
• Become very angry about trivial things
• Have an explosive temper
• Are often depressed or withdrawn but won't talk about your feelings
• Become angry or violent when you drink alcohol or use drugs
• Have traditional ideas about what men and women should be and should do. For example, you believe that a man should:
  • take care of all family matters
  • control his wife or girlfriend
  • control his wife or girlfriend's activities
  • choose his wife or girlfriend's friends 

• Control where she goes, who she sees, and claim it is for her protection
• Threaten to hit her, her children, her friends, or her pets
• Have thrown or deliberately broken things.
• Have ever hit her, no matter how sorry you are afterwards.
• (for some people) Were physically or emotionally abused by a parent and/or have a father or stepfather who abuses/abused your mother.

If you are abusive: 

You should get help and change your behaviour as soon as possible. Otherwise, you may destroy your relationship and/or seriously injure someone you care about.

Remember that:

• You need to take responsibility for your own actions. Your girlfriend or wife does not make you hit her.
• Your violence will increase if you don't take action to stop it.
• Blaming your violence on drugs, alcohol or sickness and apologizing after the abuse will not solve your problem.
• Physical violence and threats of violence are crimes. You will face fines or imprisonment, if your are convicted of assault.
• Many men have the same problem, and use violence or the threat of violence to control women's behaviour. You will be held responsible.
• It's never too late to change your behaviour with the support of your friends, your community, and the police

Prevention tips for men 

• Do not put the pressure on the women to have sex. You can have a successful social encounter without "scoring".
• Do not assume you know what a woman wants and that she knows what you want. Ask her what she wants, and tell her what you want.
• Speak up if you feel you are getting a double message from a woman. If you are still confused, do not have sex with her.
• Keep in mind that alcohol and drugs impair your judgement.
• Know which behaviours constitute sexual assault.
• Remember, sexual assault is a crime.

Adapted from information prepared by Interval House, Hamilton, Ontario; and the Southern California Coalition on Battered Women.